Monday, September 10, 2012

I can't get no ratisfaction

Hello world!

As promised, I will now regale you with my rat story. The real one. My last blog was written before I realized the gravity of the ratuation.

Not long after I finished typing up my last blog, jet lagged, I decided to try and get some sleep, knowing full well that I probably wouldn’t sleep that night because of the rat. I passed out for approximately an hour before I was awakened by the sound of rats scurrying around my house IN THE BROAD DAYLIGHT. It becomes increasingly apparent to me throughout the day that they have set up some kind of semi-permanent residence. I am somewhat less than amused. The majority of the rest of the day included bouts of sleep interrupted by rats and crying in total despair. I have an infestation. No joke.

Still during the day time I witnessed 2 rats hanging around on my dresser as well as one running down the hanging light switch approximately one foot from the head of my head. It was awful. They have completely taken over.

After approximately 7 mental and emotional breakdowns I called Peace Corps to alert them of my newest roommates. They instruct me to lay down poison. I tell them that I’ve used poison in the past and it took several weeks and only slowed the rat down so I could catch it.  (And that was ONE rat) Oh no! There’s a fancy black powder rat poison that I apparently need to put Viper and I in HASMAT suits before I can lay it down. It’s incredibly potent and will kill them in 24 hours. This will be my Vietnam. I am not great with dead things… or rodents…. I’m especially bad with dead rodents. I do not feel qualified to accomplish this task. I also know that I will be leaving for Peace Corps conferences in 2 days so by the time I find the poison, lay it down, and wait 24 hours I will be on a bus somewhere and I will come home to 50 little decomposed rat bodies that I have to peel off my floor. No thank you.

So, until I can get home and get this poison down, the rats remain. I thoroughly cleaned my house and removed anything they’d want to get their grubby little paws on. I also read somewhere that cayenne pepper repels rats so I put that everywhere. As of when I left my house smelled like rat shit and cayenne pepper. Obviously, I have already alerted Yankee Candle of this new discovery.

In other news, since I’ve been back it’s just a buffet of Peace Corps stuff. I have already completed our close of service conference. As of November 28, 2012 I will be a  Returned Peace Corps Volunteer and will be landing on American soil December 18th. Exciting! And stressful! The conference was great and incredibly informative but I think at one point information started to ooze right back out of my head. Good thing I took notes.

At this very moment I am sitting on a bus on my way to Nairobi for the close of service medical exams. What does this include you may ask. It includes me giving Peace Corps any and all bodily fluids I am willing and able to part with.

If you do not want a total information overload, skip the next paragraph.

In addition to bodily fluids, PC would love nothing more than to get some shit samples. I don’t know how many people reading this have actually had to go through this process but I will go ahead and explain it…. Do not expect it to be classy, folks. So basically they give us this clear hard plastic tube with a screw on lid that has a cutie patooty little dairy queen spoon attached to it. The general strategy (if you do not have explosive liquid diarrhea at the time) is to wrap approximately half a roll of toilet paper around your hand, shit it in and scoop some out for the offering. At this particular medical check we are required to produce 3 separate samples… in 2 days. If we are unable to produce that much shit in that period of time we must bring the tubes back to site, shit in them there and mail them back. Fishing for poop anyone? (shout out! You know who you are)

Many of you may be thinking, when is this girl ever going to work again??? Eventually. Obviously I won’t make it back to teaching this week with all the travel and sample giving I’ll be doing. Additionally, teachers in Kenya are on strike… again. School officially started last week so we are now on week 2 of the strike with no indication as to when it will end.  Whether teachers win or lose I still get paid the same. I can say I’ll definitely be ready to see my kiddos by then. It’s been way too long.

That’s it for now; if I’m diagnosed with any cool foreign/tropical disease in the next few days expect an update, otherwise, probably not until I’m back in Sega with Viper fighting the war on rats.

Thanks for reading!
Also, sorry for the wonky formatting.

1 comment:

  1. aaah! fishing for poop! HAHAHAHAHA good times! <3