Tuesday, December 7, 2010

A brilliant collection`

So PST is coming to an end (thanks goodness) and I thought i'd recap with a collection of some short stories that you may not have heart yet. I'm not holding anything back this time, so enjoy!
"No one will catch you"
Piki pikis are motorcycle taxis, you've never heard me mention them before because they are against Peace Corps law. My sister was harassing me that I was too scared to ride one and I quickly explained, "if Peace Corps catches me on one, i'll get kicked out, no questions asked." So the next morning i'm walking to town with her and she gets a piki piki and tells me, "get on, the PC won't catch you." Now for those of you who don't know, I live the furthest out of town and I pass about 5 PC houses on the way in... and oh yea there's only 10 white people here, and oh yea i'm one of only 2 blondes. I think i'd get caught. I politely declined.
"Tuk tuks"
Since i'm on the topic of transportation, i'll tell you about tuk tuks. They're taxis. They look like little tilt a whirls with a driver. You drive it like a jet ski. They're quite ridiculous.
"Compromising the bucket"
Due to various digestive issues several people keep buckets in their room just in case it's the middle of the night and they don't have time to unlock 1,000 doors, walk across the yard and get to the choo. I have one bucket, it's for water purification, so it would have to be the most urgent of emergencies for me to use it because I refuse to compromise it's cleanliness. Well, remember the new bakery i told you about? I made one too many stops there Saturday maybe. So i'm talking to Mom on the phone, "no i'll never shit in my bucket, I use it to purify water." At midnight that very night i'm proud to announce I did not shit in my water purification bucket... I did however throw up into it. At least it made it to week 8.
"Close call"
Since i'm on the topic of bodily functions... let me tell you about the time I almost crapped myself. Yea, about ten minutes into my 3 mile walk home I felt the urge. By the time I actually reached the choo I was shuffling and trying to remind myself I was an adult, adults don't crap themselves. I did make it, just barely, and I was overwhelmed with pride in myself.
"The insanity factor"
My family thinks i'm nuts... and rightfully so. Because of the communication barrier almost everything I say turns into a game of scherades. I also sing along to the Safaricom commercial and have told them numerous times I should have been chose as the lead singer for it.
"The hunger factor"
I'm always hungry here. The food normally lacks nutritional value and therefore doesn't stick with me. It's quite annoying and makes me mad, so people tend to stay away if they know i'm hungry. I turn into the Hulk. This is not an exaggeration.
"So you wanna know about the cow"
So I kind of told you in passing but I got chased by a cow. It was Thanksgiving day and I'm walking down the street with another trainee, Karl, and also flashing someone in America. So i'm counting the rings and Karl is all, "there's a cow on the loose, there's a cow on the loose." He was so calm, so I just ignored him and then hung up the phone. The minute I look up I see several Kenyan children and adults running and flailing their arms in the air, as we cross to the other side of the street I see it. There is a cow on the loose! It's running full speed towards anything it thinks it can trample. Luckily Karl found us a spot on the other side of a drainage ditch that the cow couldn't cross over, but it did head towards us anyway until  it saw the ditch, then it went on chasing some kid that probably instigated being chased by a cow. Anyway, once everything was settled, about 3 minutes later the cow owner comes running down the street, full speed, "where's my cow?!!" Now you know the cow story.
"The new crab chip"
Mom sent Old Bay (Thanks Mom) and people have started trying it and i've been carrying it around with me and putting it on french fries which in africa are called chips. Crab chips.
Old Bay tastes like home.
"Mzungu monologues"
So I renamed my blog. Mzungu is the word used here to describe you or get your attention if you're rich and/or white. We hear it all day long. Most days i'll hear it in the distance, the high pitched yell "MZUUUUNGUUUUU" usually it's some kid halfway up a mountain looking down at me and waving.
"Activities for boredom"
If you're bored and would like a taste of life in Kenya, may I suggest the following activities..
Try to wash your clothes in a bucket
Try to go #2 while hovering over a toilet seat, it's harder than you think, but my legs are getting pretty strong.
Try to hover over a toilet seat, hold and umbrella, hold your skirt up, and not touch anything around you, and oh yea, close your eyes, there's no light in the choo, silly!
"Standards of cleanliness"
So it was evident almost the moment I arrived that things being clean would matter to me less and less. Most of us are happy if our clothes touch a bucket with soap. Once I flipped my sheets over and deemed it clean sheet day. I've also almost completely given up on ever getting my feet clean again.

Thanks for reading!


  1. You crack me up. I love reading your stories. It was great to chat with you earlier even if it was for the tiniest bit. Good luck on Wednesday!

  2. Easily my favorite blog thus far. I was seriously dying reading this. I think I'll bookmark this for my shitty days so I can laugh and also be grateful that I can sit my ass down when I have to shit.